an insomniac’s key lonelinesses

modernized candelabra in the legend, palawan

when I cannot keep my mind to stop
thinking of all the lonelinesses
of loving someone
as ambivalent as you,
I try to hem myself in,

knit myself in the shadows
of a blanket that’s too thin,
breathe in the omniscient air
and listen to the wisdom of the stars
the greatness of the universe conspired;

but to no avail

there are times when I
don’t know myself
because of you,

you and the way my mind wanders
at the thought of your fingers
grazing mine
if only for a brief accident
of a brush,

you and the way you stare
with those iridescent eyes,
that wandering gaze,
that silence
that fills the void
when words fail us

and the way you call me
and tease me into
thinking of you as in a dream
beckoning me into the uncertain

until I lie helpless,
tangled in these too-thin sheets,
mocked by the coldness of solitude,
unable to keep still.

First published on June 29, 2012

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